


Falling

by BCJ1997



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, It does get better, Love, M/M, Nightmares, Not Clay or Tony, Romance, School Shootings, Suicidal Thoughts, major angst, major character deaths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 15:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCJ1997/pseuds/BCJ1997
Summary: Tyler shoots up the school and Tony might not make it.Clay just wishes he had the guts to say those three words back when he had the chance.





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Omg someone stop me. I can't stop writing.
> 
> I'm actually on school vacation now which means I have extra free time to write. I have three other stories going, but I love writing for this fandom so much that I don't even care. I probably wouldn't be posting this if I didn't think I could do it, so have faith in me guys ;)
> 
> 132 Prompts and Sign of the Times will be updated tomorrow (or much later today rather since it's only 2 AM) :) I may update That Awkward Moment as well, but if not then I will the day after.

Clay thought he was finally done with grief.

Then Tyler shoots up the school and kills Monty, Courtney, a few other students who Clay never really knew, and shoots Tony in his stomach.

He’ll never get the image out of his mind.

Tyler, pointing the gun at Clay with a shaky hand, snarling out things like, _you deserve this_ , and, _you're no better than the rest of them._ And Clay doesn't beg for his life. He tries to get Tyler to put the gun down, but when it's apparent that the boy isn't going to listen, he closed his eyes and waited for the bullet to hit.

It never does. The bathroom door swings open and Clay hears Tony shout “ _no_!”

Just as he opens his eyes, he sees Tony jump in front of him, and Tyler pulls the trigger.

A scream bounces off the bathroom walls. It takes Clay a second to realize it's him.

Police officers burst into the bathroom, knock Tyler down to the ground with shouts. One police officer goes to Tony while another ushers Clay out of the bathroom.

“You're gonna be fine,” he promises Clay. What he doesn't realize is that Clay isn't worried about himself. He's worried about his best friend.

There are police cars, ambulances and fire trucks outside. Some students are crying and hugging each other and their families. Others seem to be in shock. Parents are yelling, demanding answers while the teachers desperately try to calm everyone down while keeping their composer themselves. It's seventy degrees outside, but Clay can't stop shivering. Someone comes up and puts a light blanket over his shoulders, though he doesn't know who.

“Are you hurt at all?” The officer asks him.

“No,” is all Clay can get out. The officer leads him over to bench and tells him to sit down before disappearing to help out others.

He sits there, watching it all but seeing nothing at the same time. He doesn't feel anything. He doesn't see anything. He's completely numb.

Everything was supposed to be okay now. He was moving on. Bryce finally got what's been coming to him. Jessica was doing better, finally getting the help she so desperately needed. She and Justin were even considering getting back together. Alex is recovering in the hospital.

And Clay and Tony…

“ _I love you, Clay_.”

He closes his eyes at the memory. A tear slides down his cheek.

He hadn’t known he may never get the chance to say it back.

He hadn't known Tyler would shoot up the school. And now look where they are.

And Tony is possibly dying. Or already dead.

 

* * *

 

Jessica spots him when her and Justin walk by. She's leaning on Justin for support, barely able to hold herself  
up.

Clay knows how she feels.

“Clay, thank God,” she breathes in relief, fresh tears starting to spill over. “You're alive.”

“I'm alive.” He isn't so sure how true that is.

Justin looks just as miserable, but he gives Clay a sympathetic look. “I heard about Tony, man. I'm sorry.”

Clay freezes, asks hoarsely, “do you know if he’s alive?”

“He was when they got him in the ambulance.”

The younger boy drops his head into his hands.

* * *

  
Lainie is hysterical when her and her husband pick him up. Clay let's her be. He understands. But he puts his foot down when she tries to fret over him at home.

“I just need to be alone,” he tells her.

She tries to protest. Matt puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Go on,” he tells his son gently.

Clay has never been more thankful for his dad.

He only has one foot on the step and his hand on the railing when his mother stops him.

“Clay, honey,” she says, very softly, “are you gonna be okay?”

 _Did you know_ , Clay wants to say, _that Tony is in love with me?_

 _Did you know_ , he wants to say, _that instead of saying it back, I freaked out and ran? I’ve been avoiding him ever since._

 _But did you know_ , he wants to say, _that I actually might love him back?_

But Clay does not say any of these things.

“Sure,” he says instead, then disappears up the stairs.

 

* * *

 

It's his mother who tells him that Tony is still alive, hours later.

“His mother said he's unconscious,” she explains carefully when Clay asks if he can see him. “I think his family just wants to be left alone right now. They’ll call if anything changes.”

But there is a look on her face that says something else.

“Mom,” he says, “what aren't you telling me? Is Tony going to be okay?”

His mother takes a deep breath.

And then she takes a minute to answer.

“The doctors aren't so sure, Clay,” she tells him.

Clay holds it together while they talk. But as soon as she leaves and the door is closed, he breaks down into open-mouthed sobs that rack his whole body.

“I should've said it back,” he chokes out between sobs. “I should've fucking said it back. I shouldn't have ignored him. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." 

* * *

_Tony is looking at him with an odd expression._

_They’re leaning against Tony’s car, back near the rock they climbed all those months ago. Tony invited him to hang out, but he hasn't said much this entire time, and they haven't even moved away from the car yet. Tony claimed it was nothing when Clay asked what was up._

_“Are you sure everything's okay, man?” He asks, concerned. “Did something happen with Brad?”_

_Tony opens his mouth to speak. No words come out._

_“What, did you two fight again?”_

_“We broke up,” Tony says._

_“Oh.” Clay blinks. “Shit, Tony.”_

“ _Yeah_.”

_Tony doesn't seem too upset about it, which makes Clay feel a little less guilty about being relieved about the breakup. Though, he doesn't understand why he's relieved. Maybe it's because he never liked Brad. Never liked the way he treated Tony._

_“Clay, do you trust me?”_

_Clay snaps out his thoughts and furrows his eyebrows. “Of course I do.”_

_Tony lets out a breath and nods. “If I do something, will you let me?” He turns to face Clay completely, looking him right in the eyes, hoping the boy will understand._

_But it's Clay, after all._

_“Okay?” He says, sounding very confused._

_And then Tony goes for it._

_And he starts to lean in._

_And Clay’s eyes suddenly widen in understanding_.

_Tony grips at his shoulders gently and kisses him. Clay doesn't respond at first, but Tony doesn't stop. He’s terrified, but he won't stop until Clay tells him to._

_But Clay doesn't._

_Clay is kissing him back, putting a hand on the back of his head and tangling his fingers in his hair. Tony kisses him deep and slow, running his hands along the length of Clay’s arms and then up to cup his face._

_Their limbs tangle as they grasp at one another. Tony has Clay pressed against the hood of the car, and a thrill shoots down his spine when Clay pulls him down and kisses him fucking breathless. He wraps Clay’s legs around his waist and hoists him up onto the hood._

_Tony’s imagined their first kiss multiple times throughout his life, and he never once thought it would be like this. Not this passionate. Not yet._

_He breaks away then, panting, because there's something he needs to say to Clay. Something he should know._

_“What?” Clay asks him, suddenly looking nervous._

_Tony gives him a small smile and leans in to kiss him again. “It's nothing bad, Clay. Don't worry. I just need you to know something.”_

_“What is it?”_

_This is it._

_Pressing their lips back together once more, Tony murmurs against them, “I love you, Clay.”_

_Clay freezes._

_Too fast. Too much._

_Clay was not prepared for this. For any of this, really. He has no idea what to say, what to do. He hasn't even had time to process the fact that he's making out with his best friend, who also happens to be another dude._

_The silence stretches between them._

_“Tony,” Clay starts to say, finally._

_“You don't have to say it back, Clay. I don't expect you to. I just thought you should know, that's all,” Tony says, voice low._

_The words do nothing to stop the mental freakout Clay is having._

_“Can you...can you take me home?” He asks. “I just--I don't feel so good.”_

_Tony blinks. He knows Clay is fine, and Clay knows that it's a lame excuse, but Tony doesn't push it. Despite the hurt, he understands Clay needs space right now._

_“Yeah. Sure, Clay.”_

_The ride home is completely silent._

_Clay avoids Tony at all costs for a week._

_And then Tony is shot, and Clay wishes it just could have been him._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you all think.
> 
> Like I said, updates for my other stories coming...well, hours from now, technically. Am I the only one who doesn't think of it as a new day until I go to sleep and wake up? Like, it's 2 AM and technically Thursday, but I still consider it to be Wednesday.
> 
> Idek.


End file.
